Among the flurry of support that the latest Muslim provocateur — 14-year-old faux-clock-bomb maker Ahmed Mohamed — received earlier this month was a posting by facebook creator Mark Zuckerberg, reading, “Having the skill and ambition to build something cool should lead to applause, not arrest. The future belongs to people like Ahmed.”
I moved to LA from Georgia in 2000, to pursue fame, the bitch goddess, and in the intervening fifteen years I have observed the natives, in their natural habitat. What follows is my interpretation of the ultimate LA Family. Enjoy!
Remember the kudos that Target got last month over its employees going above and beyond by teaching a teen how to tie a tie? It’s a no-brainer that the story got some of its virility from the gush we feel, especially in racially charged times, when the helpful employees are white and the teen is black (and vice versa). But think of the kvelling that ensued — by media and Target alike — when it was learned that the black teen’s name was Yasir.
Do you remember back in the day when you could not go to the airport or a city park without seeing and hearing a gaggle of Hare Krishnas, singing chanting, jumping around and generally scaring the townsfolk?
All my life I’ve been hearing people talk about their diets and frankly, it bored me to tears. I had never dieted, as I am a cardio junky, and had always burned more calories than necessary to remain reasonably thin. And then, about a year and a half ago, I got a job as a staff writer for The Arsenio Hall Show.
In the hullabaloo last week over potential names for the new royal baby (who has since been named), the most obvious choice was left out of contention, despite all the betting taking place. (”George, James: Royal Baby Boy Names are Bet On“)
That is the question that Rock Cellar Magazine’s “Both Sides Now!” section tackles in the current issue. Since Obama is obviously a socialist and worse, I did the “pro” side. Meaning, yes he’s a socialist. My friend Ed Rampell, a regular contributor to the magazine, did the “con” side, since he’s a real socialist and doesn’t see Obama as the real thing. (I told him he needs to appreciate the concept of transition. Meaning, if Obama gets reelected, he’ll show Ed they really are on the same page.)
Comic strips never really die. Charlie Brown is forever about to kick the football that Lucy is helpfully teeing up for him. Dagwood eternally gazes in rapt anticipation at a sandwich a foot high. Krazy Kat swoons in expectation of his daily brick to the head.
Before us men get too excited here and begin buying large amounts of stock in Amstel light, let me clarify this recent C-Date survey. It was polled in Germany, not the United States. But, still I have a feeling that our ladies here are falling into similar numbers when it comes to their sexual motivations and habits. Why? Let me list the reasons…
So it turns out that Anthony Weiner’s wife is a Muslim who works for Hillary Clinton. This explains a lot. He must have figured that if she likes Hillary so much, then — like Hillary — she wouldn’t mind if he showed his pee-pee to others.
If any administration was going to invite to the White House a rapper whose lyrics have supported a cop killer and advocated the killing of President George W. Bush, it would be this one, as demonstrated by its hosting of rapper Common at a “poetry” event. But why should rap “music” be the preserve of thugs who preach violence. How about a conservative rap song, like this:
Added to the certainty of death and taxes is the certainty that the mainstream media will give virtually all the credit for the death of Osama bin Laden to President Barack Obama. As it’s shilling for Obama continues right up to the 2012 presidential election, one would eventually be led to believe it was Obama himself who burst into bin Laden’s compound and shot him. But how differently the MSM would have played it if what happened Sunday had happened during the presidency of George W. Bush. The coverage might look something like this:
Did anyone else find it interesting that Iran’s nuclear computer got hacked — and the next day Jimmy Carter checked himself into the hospital? This means that if and when Israel finally bombs Iran’s nukes, it could finally kill the man. Apparently, the news merely upset Jimmah’s stomach and he was released the next day.
I remember in the weeks and months after 9/11 Western reporters were having the same problems whenever they went to mosques to interview imams or whoever else was relevant to a story — and the young boys in the mosques were all over the reporters’ private parts.
The Dove World Outreach Center in Gainesville, Florida scrapped its plans to hold the ultimate test of whether free speech is still safe in America this past Sept. 11: Koran-burning. Pastor Terry Jones succumbed to criticism from all quarters: Democrats, Republicans, the public, and all their Islamic masters. But it’s natural that everyone was so upset. After all, this is the Muslims’ holy book we’re talking about. I mean, can you imagine burning a German’s copy of Mein Kampf? [End.]
Over the weekend Chelsea Clinton married her fiance Marc Mezvinsky, whose father is a former Iowa congressman and convicted felon who served several years in prison for defrauding investors out of 10 million dollars. I’d call that Keepin’ it Clinton! [End.]
President Obama has tasked NASA with reaching out more to the Muslim world. In response, CAIR filed a defamation suit against the White House, for tacitly affirming what many already suspect: Muslims are aliens.
Unless you were camping on the planet Pluto this past week, you undoubtedly saw or heard about the Lebon James HISTORIC decision making special on television. Millions of words have already been written about the announcement and an equal number of lives were (supposedly) economically affected by it in Ohio and Florida. In the interest of public sanity, I hereby offer a summation of what Lebron was saying to everyone by his Wayne’s World media lollapalooza,“Screw you, I’m a great basketball player!” There you have it.
As the most boring of all major sporting events snakes its way into my ESPN consciousness, I call my Time Warner guy and immediately increase my movie channels. There has to be a way to enjoy watching paint dry with a ball bouncing around. But, how? Read on…