When Palo Alto, California resident Merrill Newman was held captive in North Korea recently he was coerced into reading an “apology” for his “crimes” during the Korean War, a statement written by his captors.  Last night I dreamed I was taken prisoner by the Democratic National Committee and forced to read  the following “confession:”

“As a Republican I am guilty of a long list of indelible offensive acts against the heavenly forces of liberalism.  This monstrous behavior includes support for lower taxes, less government spending, less regulation, more emphasis on individual liberty and personal responsibility, a strong national defense and the concept of hard work and individual accomplishment over reliance on government.  For all this I humbly apologize.

“I also apologize for the shameful and hostile act of opposing President Obama’s policies, thus automatically making me a racist, and for consistently casting votes against that exalted man of the people who runs as a Democrat in my Congressional district.  I further acknowledge a crime against humanity, my opposition to Obamacare.

“I realize that I cannot be forgiven for my transgressions but I sincerely beg to be pardoned by apologizing  for my offensives against the great leaders Barack Obama, Harry Reid and Nancy Pelosi and the dear, wise Democratic Party.”

I was treated well while in DNC captivity but I’m glad they let me go.  There’s only so much white wine and brie a guy can take.

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