Which one of these individuals is the hottest mess?
1. Muammar Qaddafi. In yet another rambling speech, he blamed the mass protests against his brutal, four-decade long rule on kids drinking Nescafe spiked with LSD: “Their ages are 17. They give them pills at night, they put hallucinatory pills in their drinks, their milk, their coffee, their Nescafe,” he said. Oh yes: this revolution was brought on by kids drinking in magic ’shrooms. He continued: “From a national, moral, ethical standpoint … they should stop. I have no authority stemming from laws or decisions or anything else, I just have moral authority. I only have moral authority.” He’s slaughtering his own people by the thousands in the streets. Moral authority? Not so much.
2. Charlie Sheen. In yet another rambling speech, he went on a radio show and called the creator/producer of his moneymaker, “Two and A Half Men,” a “turd” and smeared him with an anti-Semitic name; he referred to Alcoholics Anonymous as a “bootleg cult;” he swore at Thomas Jefferson; and he threatened to complete a bodily function on someone. He also went on incomprehensible tirades about trolls, tattoos, and Vatican assassinations. CBS announced they were pulling the plug on his show. Apparently, his drug-addled antics have finally become too much for his corporate parent. Perhaps Sheen is drinking some of that LSD Nescafe.
3. Lindsay Lohan. Her latest run-in with the law involves a felony shoplifting charge. It was a pretty necklace, but it had a price tag. If she accepts the plea deal, it’s back to the slammer for 6 months. She sounds like Charlie’s type. Or maybe Muammar’s—-he insists on female bodyguards.
4. The Wisconsin Democrat state senators, who have now been on the lam for a week. Instead of manning up and voting on the state’s desperately needed budget repair bill, they made a break for the border. The border with the People’s Republic of Illinois, that is. They’ve been holed up in a no-tell motel ever since, ordering in pizza and watching reruns of “Sex and the City.” The state is broke, the governor is trying to fix the fiscal disaster, mass layoffs loom, the unions are causing a ruckus, and these clowns have taken a powder instead of performing the job they were elected to do. I’m sure we’ll find out later that instead of “Sex and the City” reruns, they were actually ordering up porn on pay-per-view.
What messes these messes have made. At least Sheen and Lohan haven’t killed anybody (yet). But Qaddafi is a terrorist to the Nth degree, and the Wisconsin Dems are pathetic losers who are costing taxpayers a fortune. Perhaps if the Wisconsin Dems had some of that Nescafe LSD, they’d come to their senses. Qaddafi should try some too.
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