Our government isn’t using its head on the whole airport security thing.

I’ve suggested a perfectly cogent solution before but maybe it bears repeating now, in the wake of the latest controversy.

But before I get to that, I want to point out that unless whatever security method found to work best is used also on flights coming into the United States from other countries, we are spinning our wheels.

I say we should not accept flights from countries unwilling to implement appropriate safety measures.

Second, it simply makes no sense at all not to use the information we know about the people trying to kill us to protect ourselves.

If you want to call that “profiling,” fine.

As it happens, there is a profile that fits the vast majority of those trying to do us harm, and to not concentrate on those fitting that profile at places like airports is stupid.

Making everyone, even little old blue-haired Hadassah ladies, go through the indignity of the type of searches they’re doing at airports in this country now is beyond ridiculous.

I’m sure the enemy thinks it’s hilarious.

And the argument that as soon as we stop grope-searching American grandmas, they’ll start using American grandmas to blow themselves up, presupposes there is a pool of such recruitable grandmas out there, and I don’t buy it.

As most people know, Israel endures at least the same threat level from Islamo-Fascist terrorist as we do here, yet no one is molested at the airport there. They have professionals trained to detect anything squirrelly from interviews and body language, and so far it’s working.

But here’s my idea for solving the airport security problem.

I think that every airport passenger everywhere should be issued a hospital gown before boarding the plane. Everyone flies wearing only one of those short, thin gowns that tie in the back. Difficult to hide much with those, plus this will discourage a lot of unnecessary moving around the plane.

Furthermore, it’s hard to hold the back of those closed while wielding a weapon and it’s even more difficult to take seriously someone whose tuchas is hanging out.

Anyone who doesn’t want to do it this way is welcome to find another way to their destination.

I also think they should figure out how to make it possible for the cockpit personnel to release a sleeping gas from the blower over each seat, if there’s trouble.

It might occur to you that someone may still try getting on a flight with some destructive material secreted in a bodily orifice, and this has been a concern of mine ever since we learned about the failed so-called “underwear bomber.”

I’m not sure what we do about that, but I’m pretty sure most of us will revolt over the idea of body cavity searches at airports, so let’s hope they figure out a solution.

One possibility, which I’ve also suggested before, involves hanging little pouches of rendered pig fat in every plane (or building or bus in Israel).

Once it’s known to the would-be terrorists that the chances are they’d be doused with pork juice if they were to blow themselves up – and since the whole point of the exercise for them is to get to heaven for those 72 virgins – and since contact with pig precludes a Muslim from entering heaven – maybe it will give them pause. I was thinking also that it might be prudent to line Israel’s boarders with pig farms for the same reason.

The idea is based on one used by “Black Jack” Pershing during World War I. It’s an interesting story. Google it.

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