Senate Majority Leader Reid made three inaccurate statements during a press conference on Monday. Aides wrote it off as a simple misunderstanding…and a strong desire to be Vice President.
A Southern Illinois sheriff has been arrested on charges of marijuana trafficking. Police became suspicious after reports he was asking drivers for their license, registration and some Funyuns.
Four inmates at Riker’s Island have swine flu. Prison doctors are controlling the outbreak by REDACTED
The National Archives has lost a hard drive containing sensitive information from the Clinton administration. Although the CIA says they don’t know of any top-secret projects called “M.I.L.F.”
Only 27 percent of candidates who took the Massachusetts elementary teaching exam passed the math portion of the test. Said a spokesperson, “We are, of course, embarrassed that half of them failed.”
Hamas says remarks made by President Obama and Israeli Prime Minister Netanyahu were “meant to deceive the world.” They went on to say the red sticks behind their backs were “candles–yeah, candles.”
Iranian President Ahmadinejad is accused of trying to buy votes in the upcoming election. Which probably explains why he hasn’t been able to replace that “Members Only” jacket he wears.
Former President Carter told Congress America’s failure to achieve energy independence is threatening its national security. Though it’s not clear how his idea of crashing a couple of choppers full of Delta Force troops at Exxon Headquarters will help.
Two Yellowstone employees were fired after they were caught urinating into Old Faithful. Park officials began monitoring the geyser when a large number of tourists asked REDACTED
Former President Bill Clinton says he “understands the shortcomings” of Haiti. But he added, “It’s nothing a shady land deal can’t fix.”
Great Moments in Jest History (From The Jesting Archives): October 10, 2005
Turkey slaughtered more fowl after a bird flu outbreak on a northwestern farm. And yes, they get the irony.
Don’t forget the JTLJokes Blog (www.jtljokes.blogspot.com), where you can find back issues of “Give us This Day,” as well as original articles and videos.
