President Obama held a prime time press conference to promote his budget proposal. Or, as he calls it since his Leno appearance, “Try out some new material.”
Sixty-five-thousand people signed a petition protesting President Obama’s giving the commencement address at Notre Dame because of his views on abortion and stem cell research…also, their teleprompter’s on the fritz.
The Homeland Security Department is doubling the number of law enforcement officers patrolling the Southwest border. They’re doing it to curb border violence…and so Bob will have someone to talk to.
The overflowing Red River is causing flooding fears in the Midwest…and is making me think I won’t REDACTED.
An Ohio teen has lost both his legs to a fast-moving flesh-eating bacteria. Or, as doctors call it, “Rosie O’Donnellitis.”
Cindy Crawford appeared naked in Allure magazine to show off her anti-aging regimen. Although why she has to get naked to sacrifice a virgin is never explained.
Josef Fritzl, REDACTED.
Phil Specter’s lawyers say scientific evidence proves Lana Clarkson killed herself…and Specter’s hair proves you can harness the power of static electricity.
Great Moments in Jest History (from The Jesting Archives): August 1, 2005
Ryne Sandberg, Wade Boggs, Jerry Coleman and Peter Gammons were selected for induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Meanwhile, Pete Rose announces he’s been selected to receive a new MasterCard with a special introductory rate!
Don’t forget the JTLJokes blog, where you can find back issues of “Give Us This Day,” as well as original articles and videos. www.jtljokes.blogspot.com.
