Nadya Suleman, the mother of six children who added eight more babies recently has admitted her reason for more than doubling her brood. “Quite simply, I want to start my own country!” said the former high school cheerleader. I was unhappy growing up in the United States and as I looked around the world I kept finding reasons for not moving to various locations…” She began as she explained her frustration with other nations at a press conference held in front of Disney World’s Epcot Center.
“England has terrible FOOD!” she exclaimed. “I tried it here at the Epcot version and ICK! What is ‘Shepherd’s Pie?’ Ground up SHEPHERD? Germany has all those carbs. No wonder all their people are PORKERS! Forget the Middle East. I have ZERO desire to step on a car bomb or whatever! So, my plan is simple. I am going to move to a small island like the one Tom Hanks was on in that volleyball movie and begin my own civilization. I need to meet him so I can ask him where that place was. I think it will take a 100 or so children to get the ball rolling…”
Aghast reporters were stunned by Ms. Suleman’s plan. Before they could ask a question, she was off and running with more details of her mission to populate a tiny atoll somewhere. “The hardest part of this is coming up with all the names for ALL these damn kids! I wanted them to reflect my behavior style. So far I have come up with Moonbeam, LaLa, Zipperhead and Coma. I have seventy more to go to reach a hundred. I am thinking of putting on a national contest for names. Oprah’s producer said they might be interested in organizing it for me.”
One of the reporters shouted out, “How ’bout, Dimbulb!” Ms. Suleme smiled, “Good one!” She jotted it down as she munched on a stick of red licorice. “If you guys could help me with names and find a small island for me, I would really appreciate it! If any of you are single or unhappily married and have a nice financial portfolio, EMAIL ME! Just kidding.”
When asked where she got the motivation to begin her own country by getting pregnant over and over and over and over again, she had a ready answer, “When I worked as a tech at the mental hospital. The patients there gave me incredibly solid advice on what to do with my life. They may be crazy but they are not stupid. Believe you me!”
With that, she thanked everyone and left everyone with one last comment, “Is Michael Phelps married? He’s got some bucks and he looks like a really FUN guy! Plus, I need a good swimmer in case one of my babies drifts out into the ocean. I want to be a responsible mom, ya know!”
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