Give Us This Day Our Daily Jest (January 28, 2009)
Republicans are upset that ACORN would be eligible to receive federal aid under President Obama’s stimulus package. Said an ACORN spokesman, “Hey—we need that money! I mean, it’s not like we just make up voter’s names out of thin air! Oh, wait…”
REDACTED.
Rosie O’Donnell has opened an after school studio where underprivileged children can learn to sing and dance…while she quietly fattens them up.
British police say an 81-year-old woman died on the street because passersby ignored her, thinking she was drunk…or Madonna.
The classical music performance played during the inauguration was actually pre-recorded two days earlier. We’re just saying, Mr. Chief Justice…
Secretary of State Clinton appointed a special envoy for climate change. His main duty will be to heighten awareness about global warming…and to tell Al Gore that Hillary’s too busy to come to the phone.
Great Moments in Jest History (From The Jesting Archives): July 8, 2005
John Walton, son of Wal-Mart founder Sam Walton, died in a plane crash in Wyoming. He was greeted at the Pearly Gates by a senile angel in a John Deere cap who wanted to know if he had any returns.
On a personal note: Check out Kate Bacon’s blog on Monday to read my thoughts on this year’s crop of Super Bowl commercials (www.welldunne.blogspot.com).
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