Note: I will be traveling from Thursday night through Sunday afternoon, so this will be the last edition of “JTLJokes” until at least Monday, 12/22. — JTL
Give Us This Day Our Daily Jest: December 18, 2008
Political analysts say New York Governor David Paterson’s choice over who will replace Hillary Clinton in the Senate could make or break his political career. Whereas Rod Blagojevich’s choice could make or break his 401(k).
Sixty-seven percent of pet owners say they understand what their animals are saying. To which David Berkowitz replied, “See, I told you!”
A British school cancelled their annual Christmas play because it conflicted with a Muslim festival. Cry all you want about a double standard, but do you really think it’s smart to be offending Muslims these days?
This month marks the 67th anniversary of the attack on Pearl Harbor…and the 66th anniversary of the first time a used car dealer advertised that his low prices would “live in infamy.”
Fifty-five people were killed when a suicide bomber blew himself up at a restaurant in Northern Iraq. In response, Iraq’s most popular restaurant chain will change its name to “T.G. My Waiter’s Not Ticking.”
Carbon Motors Corporation has unveiled a car specifically designed for law enforcement. The car has a larger engine, a stronger suspension and a dash-cam that knows when to look the other way.
McDonald’s has bought billboard space around the headquarters of Starbucks that criticizes the company for the prices of their drinks. To counter, Starbucks has bought billboard space around horse barns.
TIME Magazine has named Barack Obama as 2008’s Man of the Year. Entrepreneur Magazine’s choice? Rod Blagojevich.
OPEC has cut its oil production to an all-time low. So expect to see Jerry Lewis wearing a lot more hats.
Great Moments in Jest History (From The Jesting Archives):
December 17, 1903:
Wilbur and Orville Wright successfully flew their new flying machine near Kitty Hawk, North Carolina. However, their luggage ended up in Pittsburgh.
December 17, 1777:
France has officially recognized American Independence. In a letter to George Washington, French diplomats offered congratulations for the victory over the British and said they look forward to surrendering to America themselves one day.
December 17, 1998:
Republicans have sent the case for impeachment against President Clinton to the House floor for debate. REDACTED.
December 17, 2003:
Illinois Governor George Ryan has been indicted on corruption charges. Said one Democrat, “We look forward to getting this corrupt Republican out of office and replacing him with an honest, hard-working Democrat. Oh, wait…”
June 26, 2008:
Alcoa, the world’s largest producer of aluminum, has signed a deal to provide plane-making materials to Airbus. They have also signed a deal with the Palestinian Authority to buy the aluminum back after the planes are blown up.