JTL Jokes - by Todd Long
By Mike Long (bio)
Give Us This Day Our Daily Jest: December 17, 2008:
The White House says there will soon be “short-term” help for the auto industry. But they can’t smoke in it or let their pets get in it and it has to be back by 5:00pm on Thursday at least ¾ full.
A woman at the Cleveland Clinic has received a near-total face transplant. Unfortunately, it was not Joy Behar.
French police found five bombs in a Paris department store. They are waiting for someone to claim responsibility so they’ll know who to surrender to.
Many people who recently lost their jobs to the recession are returning to college. They’re not taking classes, they’re sweeping the floors.
Jon Hamm from “Mad Men” says the show will not be the same if they lose creator Matthew Weiner…unless he’s replaced by a guy with an equally silly last name.
A movie reviewer for the Hollywood Foreign Press says Tom Cruise’s acting in “Valkyrie” is “feeble.” He added, “Almost as feeble as REDACTED.
Jennifer Aniston is reportedly looking for someone to accompany her to the premiere of her next film. But most guys don’t see a trip to Blockbuster as that much fun.
Gwyneth Paltrow’s mom says her daughter’s marriage is not over. “No, no,” she said, “you must have thought I was talking about her career.”
Great Moments in Jest History (From The Jesting Archives):
December 16, 1907:
President Roosevelt has sent 16 battleships on a 14-month voyage around the world to demonstrate American sea power…and REDACTED.
December 16, 1998:
President Clinton ordered air strikes against Iraq in response to Saddam Hussein’s defiance of U.N. weapons inspectors. It’s the first REDACTED.
December 16, 2003:
President Bush says Saddam Hussein deserves the “ultimate penalty” for his crimes. Unfortunately, the International War Crimes Tribunal says it’s inhumane to make someone watch a “The View” marathon.
June 26, 2005:
A Gallup poll shows most whites disagree with the Michael Jackson verdict, while most non-whites feel it was the right decision. Michael Jackson was able to see both sides of the argument.
New on the JTLJokes Blog (www.jtljokes.blogspot.com):
My two oldest children recreate a famous scene from “Raiders of the Lost Ark.”
On a Personal Note: Happy Birthday, Lisa, though I know it’s not how you had hoped to spend it.
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