Today’s edition of “Daily Jest” is dedicated to some upcoming initiatives on various state ballots this year.
Californians will vote on a measure calling for farm animals to be able to “fully extend their limbs, lie down, stand up and turn around” for the majority of the day. If passed, it will force some farmers to renovate animal pens…and Rosie O’Donnell to hire a bigger staff.
Iowa voters will decide on a measure that would change the wording of state law to describe a person who can’t legally vote to something other than “idiot or insane person.” The new description will be “anyone who thinks Bill Maher is funny.”
REDACTED: Joke that insults politically correct group.
Missouri voters will decide a measure that would require the state to produce 15 percent of its electricity from clean energy. The plan would harness the wind currently being generated by the Rams sucking this season.
Great Moments in Jest History (from the Jesting Archives): May 28, 2005 Senator Hillary Clinton’s former campaign finance director was acquitted of lying about a Hollywood fundraiser. Said a Clinton insider, “Good thing we had enough illegally raised cash left over to bribe the judge.”
On a Personal Note: I SOOOO need to win Powerball tonight.
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