If you believe in laissez faire economics — the idea that capitalism works best at creating wealth, jobs and progress when unimpeded by government regulation — then don’t regulate your boyfriend, don’t tell him what to do. Bill Clinton once proclaimed it was government’s job to try and “force the spring.” But to paraphrase Confucius, “when the spring comes, the grass grows on its own.” In relationships, the wise woman doesn’t try to make things happen, or not happen. She goes with the flow. Here’s an example.
Dear Malibu Rules Girl: I’m happy with my boyfriend of 7 months in just about every respect — except one: he doesn’t like to talk on the phone. In the past, I had boyfriends who kept me up all night talking and sharing about their feelings and their pasts. My current boyfriend calls once or twice a week to check in or set a date — then gets off the phone. Arrgh!!. How do I get him to call more often — and stay on the phone longer?
Dear Unlimited Minutes: Your boyfriend is getting the job done — he’s calling and setting up dates. How would you like it if he was calling and talking for hours, but never setting up dates? It happens! How do you get him to call more and talk longer? The short answer is, “You don’t.” He is how he is — don’t try to change him. Men HATE that. Maybe he’s just not a phone person — many men aren’t. Men and women are different — so don’t relate to him as you would a girlfriend.
But here’s as tip: try limiting your phone calls to ten minutes. Set a timer! You get off the phone first. See what happens. Also, if you’ve been picking up every time he calls, try picking up every other time. I’ll bet you he starts calling more frequently, and wants to talk more often — but not for hours. Those past boyfriend who wanted to talk for hours obviously didn’t translate their loquacity into long term commitment — so save your unlimited minutes plan for your husband!
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