The results of the Iowa caucuses, we’re told, prove that Americans are demanding change.

But if you ask me, we’ve got enough change. Every drawer in my house is brimming with loose change. I’ve got cans loaded with change. Nickels, dimes quarters and pennies; they’re clogging up the works and weighing us down.,

How can Americans want more change? Every time I go to the store, I come home with another load of change, to toss onto the nightstand when I empty my pockets. Change is filling up landfills, leaching metals into aquifers and threatening another environmental alarm. America has so much change, it’s weighing down this side of the world, threatening to send it into cockeyed orbit, ultimately spinning into the sun.

You can’t get rid of it. The banks won’t count if for you, unless you’re making a deposit, and then only grudgingly. Someone said the local grocery store has a change counting machine that’ll take your pennies in return for real cash, but only after skimming off a house percentage. That doesn’t seem fair. Stores have found a use for all those unused ashtrays, converting them into “take a penny, leave a penny” trays for customers to cut down on their change.

Yet, here come the politicians, promising us more change. John Edwards, after the votes were counted in Iowa, pronounced that “change won,” as if it were on the ballot against5 paying by credit card. Barack Obama, standing behind a podium proclaiming “CHANGE we can believe in,” intoned, as if he were at the check-out counter, “Our time for change has come.” Hillary Clinton let everyone know that from day one in the White House, she will “make change,” but for nothing larger than a 20. Mike Huckabee chimed in, saying his win in the Republican caucuses showed the demand for change throughout the land, even in a party known for counting its cash in large denominations. I wish someone would back up the armored track and bury these folks in change.

Where, for heaven’s sake, will all this change come from. More U.S. mints grinding out pennies? They ran out of cooper for all those pennies years ago and had to switch to zinc. The cost of making each penny now exceeds its face value. Leave it to government to want to throw away even more of our money making change, and for politicians to think this is a good idea. Typical.

For just once, I would love to see a candidate say, for all the world to hear: “I’m against change. Take your specie and shove it.”

Someone, anyone, please have the courage to stand against the kind of crowd at Obama’s Iowa victory speech, holding signs proclaiming, “Stand for change,” and chanting, “We want change. We want change.” Tell them that they’re on an exact fare bus.

Tell them it’s all right to change the station, change your hat, change the diaper and even change your mind. But we don’t give out no stinking change for the sake of change.

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