Ayman al-Zawahri ended 2007 by saying he’s open to questions from reporters, but only through Jan. 16 - which is, incidentally, the day that the U.N. Security Council froze the assets of Osama bin Laden and Co. in 2002. After whetting the media’s appetite with this tease, al-Zawahri will make the talk-show circuit, starting with “The View” and moving into a rousing YouTube debate with a melting snowman.
The media will finally stop referring to al-Zawahri as al-Qaida’s No. 2. Let’s be serious: Robert Wagner has overtaken Dr. Evil.
In Pakistan, Pervez Musharraf will continue to run the show. Note that I didn’t say he’d necessarily get re-elected.
Fidel Castro’s myriad TV appearances reading a newspaper in his jogging suit will be found to be a re-enactment of “Weekend at Bernie’s.”
Someone will whisper to Hugo Chavez that “absolute power corrupts absolutely,” and he will snarfle a big belly laugh before enacting by force all of the constitutional “reforms” that failed with voters in 2007. His loyal subjects - aka Evo Morales and Daniel Ortega - will press similar neo-Marxist endeavors in their own countries.
Speaking of BFFs, cooperation will grow at an alarming rate between Venezuela, Russia and Iran. Even as Mahmoud Ahmadinejad’s secret stash of Cher and Erasure CDs is discovered, he’ll keep hanging all the gays.