I do love the heading ‘Pinpricks and Pummelings’ – such charm. Keeping with that idea and the inability-to-focus-on-anything-for-more-than-30-seconds nature of our society (more likely due to the fact that I am too lazy it seems these days to develop an idea fully) here are some short takes on things that have crossed my mind lately.
NBA Basketball and Presidential Campaigns – The NBA playoff season and the presidential campaign season suffer from the same fatal flaw – they are just too damn long. And what happens to things that have that fatal flaw (other than dying of course)? Boredom. Extreme, exhausting, brutal, I’d-rather-watch The Joy Luck Club kind of boredom. Is it really necessary for 25 best-of-13 game series involving 75% of all the teams in the league? Uh, no. Give me a bracket and single elimination, NCAA style. I might actually tune in then.
Same thing goes for these ridiculously long presidential campaigns. Good God, I feel like there is a debate every night and I haven’t fully recovered from Bush-Kerry in 2004. When are these guys going to figure out that the best way to get people’s attention is to not burn them out? It’s June, of the year before, and the scary thing is, I love politics. But not this much, this early, and for this long. I’ll check back in next February thanks.
Fred Thompson is the Roger Clemens of Politics – The former head of the CIA and White House Chief of Staff (see No Way Out and In the Line of Fire) is taking the best approach to the 2008 contest – wait and see.
Like Clemens who has styled a new hybrid approach where you can skip spring training and most of the season, and roll in whenever you want, Freddy T. is sitting out the political grapefruit league by forgetting about the aforementioned debates, and letting the other kids scrap, misspeak, and make mistakes. Once that is done, and teams, fans, and baseball brass are begging for his talent believing he is the missing link, he will get in the game. Also like Clemens, Thompson has the luxury of taking this approach. Why? Because he can.
San Francisco Has the Nicest People Ever – Killing a few hours in the city by the bay last week, I had 3 incidents which led me to conclude that the citizenry of San Fran is the nicest in the world. They included the circumstances surrounding my reckless acts of: destroying a glass ornament after accidentally knocking it off a souvenir store shelf; trying to pass off an expired 10% off coupon for my purchase at the Banana Republic in Union Square; and barreling down a one- way street (it’s still unclear to me when it became one-way) which subsequently caused a huge backup of traffic through downtown because of my 61-point turn effort to right the car and was witnessed by the policeman sitting at the intersection above me.
In any other city I would’ve been out $14.99, been thrown out of BR for trying to use an expired coupon and forced to shop at Kiwi Republic (not quite as well known), and arrested for being unable to read basic street signs. But not in San Francisco. How did it all work out? Well the store clerk in the souvenir store refused to accept my payment offer for breaking the ornament. The Banana Republic clerk politely informed me that my coupon had expired three months ago (I had no idea!) and yet, went on to honor it. And the cop waiting for me at the top of Powell Street simply leaned his head out of his police car and said, “Watch where you are going please.” God bless you fine San Francisco souls.
Rich, Famous, Young Idiots – Can someone, anyone, out there explain something to me? Why do drugged-up, boozed-up young celebrities with a jillion dollars keep getting busted for driving incidents? Can’t Paris Hilton and Lindsey Lohan afford to pay someone $100K a year to drive their lame, untalented selves from Rodeo to Sunset? Why do they insist on driving themselves home after a night of partying?
Maybe someone should clue their Hollywood handlers into a 24/7 service that may help – us peasants in the world know it as ‘Cab.’ Check this out: whenever I need a ride somewhere for any reason, I pay a nominal fee, and ‘Cab’ comes wherever I am, picks me up, and takes me where I need to go. And by using ‘Cab,’ I avoid the risk of crashing, DUI, or paparazzi catching me in compromising situations. Every time I hear one of these stories of Hollywood’s elite getting busted, I can’t help but shake my head. Then again, I guess being rich doesn’t mean being smart.
American Idol – Once you figure out the driving thing, maybe you can explain to me the fascination America seems to have with American Idol. It truly amazes me the extent to which people get so invested in the mediocre talent that this hit program showcases. Night after night of people doing lame Whitney Houston covers, it is about as appealing to me as going to Karaoke night. And given the lackluster success and mixed track record of the winners (see Ruben Studdard, Clay Aiken, and Taylor Hicks), I don’t think I am the only one who has that sentiment. The only interesting part remains the crazy, awful, wannabes who bomb during early auditions.
Don’t even get me started on Dancing with the Stars.
Best Movie Line So Far of the Year – I’ve seen a lot of movies this year, and so far the writing and dialogue has been pretty good. But the line that made me laugh out loud the hardest comes from Knocked Up, a very funny film featuring very funny character actor Paul Rudd who said: “You look like Babe Ruth’s gay brother, Gabe Ruth.” Awesome.
Over and out for now, can’t believe it’s June already. How are we already halfway done with 2007?
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