Just how stupid are people supposed to be? Morons, based on how some companies market their products. Glaceau Vitamin Water, for instance.I was catching a rare stag dinner with the boys and they asked to split a bright pink bottle of “kiwi-strawberry (a+lutein)” flavored “focus” drink.

Ever the indulgent father, I said OK.

The label boasted “vapor distilled deionized, and/or reverse osmosis water,” as if it mattered, given how sweet it is. Kool-Aid, with less flavor.

That was bad enough. But the label also offered this little bit of lowercase faux philosophy:

“now that everyone is glued to their cell phones, no one really pays attention to what’s going on around them, with all that walking and talking, you never know what you could be missing: birds chirping, flowers blooming, shoe sales, really good-looking people, celebrities without make-up, telephone poles, or piles of poo. that’s why this stuff has vitamin a and lutein to give you all the focus you need. so keep your eyes peeled or that smell could be your shoe.”

“Piles of poo”? Speaking of paying attention, did it occur to these mopes that customers might be eating when they read their mindless puffery? Maybe that smell is the rank smugness of a company that found a way to peddle sugar water for 10 cents an ounce.

Have PoliticalMavens.com delivered to your inbox in a daily digest by clicking here