Hello, I am chef Wolfgang Puck, you may know me from my TV appearances, my best selling cook books or perhaps you’ve eaten at my award winning five star restaurants. If you don’t know who I am, enjoy your frozen pizza and leave me alone.
Anyway, recently a party for Sports Ilustrated swimsuit models that I catered caused a person to have hepatitis A. Luckily, it was not one of the models, as they generally do not eat at all or if they do accidentally swallow something they tend to quickly vomit it back up, as is their custom. Please know that hepatitis A, as the name would imply, is the most preferred form of hepatitis and is way more trendy and exclusive than the lowly hepatitis B or the downright pathetic “poor man’s” hepatitis C.
I am pretty sure the culprit was either my delicious goose intestine tartar or my mouth watering raw monkey flesh bisque. Either way, the problem has been solved, in my ruthlessly efficient German sort of way; the bacteria has been exterminated and will no longer be a problem. So, if you are a supermodel, a film star, Ryan Seacrest or a former member of the Spice Girls, please, feel free to eat at any of my restaurants or catered affairs, and know that my food is completely safe, delicious and incredibly over priced.
And again, if you are someone who cannot afford to eat my food then enjoy your Craft Hungry Man dinner and please go away.
Wolfgang “The Puckster” Puck
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